We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
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