Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
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