i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
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