I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
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