Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
