You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
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