I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
