i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
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