do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
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