1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
Randomize
