Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Randomize
