Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
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