can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
Randomize
