I bet he comes in French.
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize
