I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
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