I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
Randomize
