if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
