Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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