just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
