I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
Randomize
