I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
Randomize
