we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
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