I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Randomize
