She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
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