Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
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