I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Randomize
