just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
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