It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
sarcasm needs its own font
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
