I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Randomize
