i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
Randomize
