I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Randomize
