I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
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