he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
I am available for nakedness
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
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