I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
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