Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
Randomize
