I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
I deserve to be covered in dicks
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
Randomize
