Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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