We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
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