carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
