If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
