Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Randomize
