I accidentally had phone sex last night
M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Randomize
