My nipple is on Facebook.
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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