Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
Randomize
