i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Randomize
