At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
Randomize
