Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
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