I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
Randomize
