defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
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