you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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