Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
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