8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Randomize
