So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
Randomize
