I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
