my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
You're like the curious george of whores
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
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