lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
Randomize
